If I'm just bad news...

The worst is over.. You can have the best of me...

2004-03-14T03:54:20Z

Mwa haha. Conversation with my cousin. My 9-year-old cousin.

ME: ...We should go to the mall.
ARIELLE: I want to go to the mall.
ME: Oh yeah? What would you buy?
ARIELLE: You.
ME: Me? Where would you be able to buy me? CVS?
ARIELLE: No. Bargain store.

*snicker* Self worth values = through the roof. And then there was more...

AMIELYN [3-year-old cousin]: *starts to sing Barbie Girl* Life in plastic, it's fantastic...
ME: ...*sings along* Kiss me here, touch me there, hanky panky
ARIELLE: *snickers* Touch.
ME: Arielle! Are you thinking things you shouldn't be thinking? You're 9-years-old for God's sake!
ARIELLE: *cackles and runs away*

...SICK CHILDREN. Jeeeeez, I was completely innocent to all those sexual terms until 6th grade. Where does she learn these things? She's maturing too quickly. Or maybe I matured too slowly. *blinks*

BAH. Where is everybody?! *pout whine pout* Somebody love meeeeee.

Shot through my heart...

2004-03-13T18:27:08Z

Party was fun. Samm looked lovely. Lots of people. Saw Kasey. I miss him. Yes. Dancing is fun. A lot of dancing. And pina coladas! And pretending I'm drunk. Mwa. Ha. Ha.

Mother took over the computer while it was on my sn earlier. Was talking to Caitlyn. Then she left. Five minutes before I came back. Fucking. *sulk sulk*

It's only love, and that is all. Why do I feel the way I do? It's only love and that is all. But it's so hard. Loving you.

...I'm tired.

The day the music died...

2004-03-08T02:37:31Z

Pointless Survey:

1 - Basics
-- Name: Danielle
-- Birth date: October 23, 1988
-- Birthplace: Manhattan
-- Current Location: Mount Vernon
-- Eye Color: Dark brown
-- Hair Color: Black. Brown-ish in the light.
-- Height: 5'3
-- Righty or Lefty: Righty
-- Zodiac Sign: Libra [But sometimes a Scorpio *shrug*]

2 - Next Chapter
-- Your heritage: Mum's Filipina, Dad's Jewish ['cause that's a nationality now. *snort*]
-- The shoes you wore today: Er, sneakers.
-- Your weakness: Ah ha. Too many.
-- Your fears: Death, being unloved, heights [ah ha.]
-- Your perfect pizza: Errr *shrug* Pizza is good. Yes. But my opinions on things vary way too often. Ah ha. And you though this would be a simple question with a simple answer.
-- Goal you'd like to achieve: Ultimate goal would be to be successful, have a home, and kids, and to get married and what not. Yes. Damn it. I need a fucking... something. Relationship or something.

3 - Me, Me, and ME
-- Your most overused phrase: *shrug* I talk too much about fandoms. And my friends.
-- Your thoughts first waking up: Lately it's been... heh. People.
-- Your best physical feature: Ah ha ha. Right.
-- Your bedtime: *shrug* When mother gets home.
-- Your most missed memory: When I was young, and at Lincoln, and really nothing mattered.

4 - Pick
-- Pepsi or Coke: Coke
-- McDonald's or Burger King: ...Burger King.
-- Single or group date: Ah ha. *shrug* I wouldn't know.
-- Adidas or Nike: Nike?
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Lipton powder, Nestea in the bottle.
-- Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate. Defintely. Chocolate.
-- Cappuccino or coffee: Coffee. Vanilla coffee.

5 - Do you:
-- Smoke: No.
-- What: --
-- Swear: Ah ha, ah ha. Fucker.
-- Sing: All the fucking *snickers at last question* time.
-- Take a shower everyday: Yes.
-- Have a crush: Wouldn't you like to know.
-- Do you think you've been in love: ...djfglarwe. There.
-- Want to go to college/university: Yes.
-- Like(d) high school: Ah ha. I like my friends. That's. Basically. It.
-- Want to get married: Yes. Someday.
-- Believe in yourself: Ha. Those who know me know I have no self esteem whatsoever.
-- Get motion sickness: Nope.
-- Think you're attractive: Ah haaa. Again. No self esteem. None.
-- Think you're a health freak: HA!
-- Get along with your parent(s): Generally, yes.
-- Like thunderstorms: Yes, actually.
-- Play an instrument: *snicker* I took clarinet for two years in school, then piano for a couple years. I was good at neither. And now I want to learn guitar!

6 - In the past month
-- Drank alcohol: Nope.
-- Smoked: Nope.
-- Done a drug: No.
-- Had Sex: Nope.
-- Made Out: No.
-- Gone on a date: No. [That had to be the most pathetic 6 consecutive questions I have ever answered in my life.]
-- Gone to the mall: Yesterday.
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: No. Never have. Doubt I ever will.
-- Eaten sushi: Nope.
-- Been on stage: Nope.
-- Been dumped: No. [Ah ha. Flip side to being lonely.]
-- Dumped someone: Nope.
-- Gone skating: Nope.
-- Made homemade cookies: No.
-- Gone skinny dipping: No.
-- Dyed your hair: Yes. Got rid of those highlights. *shudder*
-- Stolen anything: Nope.
[Okay, I take it back. That whole goddamn section was the most pathetic set of questions I've ever answered in my life.]

7 - Have you ever...
-- Played a game that required removal of clothing: Nope
-- If so, was it mixed company: --
-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: No.
-- Been caught "doing something": Nope.
-- Been called a tease: Errr, no.
-- Gotten beaten up: No. Though I did get punched in the face once. Ah ha. Ah ha. Fun times.
-- Changed who you were to fit in: Heh. I used to. *stabs former self*

8 - Future
-- Age you hope to be married: Late twenties.
-- Numbers and Names of Children: 3. Two boys, then a girl. First son James. [Shut the fuck up. It's been my favorite boy's name forever. For. Ev. Er.] And then I don't know about the rest of them, but being that I've become obsessed with the names of stars for the names of children, they shall all have middle names that are star names. My future husband can go fuck himself if he dares to disagree.
-- Describe your Dream Wedding: I don't know. Something traditional, classic, old-fashioned. But that could change by tomorrow.
-- How do you want to die: Hm. In my sleep, maybe.
-- Where you want to go to college: Columbia. Ah haaaaa. Like it's going to happen.
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: *shrug* Leaning towards nursing because it's practical. And helping people = good.
-- Where would you most like to visit: England. [But travelling would be my passion if I only had more money. So there are so many other places I want to go to too.]

9 - In a guy..
-- Best eye color: *shrug*
-- Best hair color: I prefer dark hair.
-- Short or long hair: Err, long-ish.
-- Height: Taller than me. [Which isn't much of a feat.]
-- Best weight: [like Amanda said] Slim, but muscular. Err, not too muscular though. That's an absolute turn off for me.
-- Best articles of clothing: I don't know. Just.. something.
-- Best first date location: *shrug*
-- Best first kiss location: *shrug x2*

10 - Numbers
-- # of drugs taken illegally: None.
-- # of people I could trust with my life: Ha. I could count them on one hand. [Er, not including family. Cause yeah. They don't count.]
-- # of CDs that I own: *shrug* I don't buy CDs anymore, but I have a few.
-- # of piercings: Four [two on each ear]. I want to get my cartilage done again.
-- # of tattoos: None. Though I've considered getting one a couple times. But that, just like everything else, changes almost on a daily basis.
-- # of scars on my body: Err, I think 5 [One on my left hand, back of my right ankle, just above my left ankle, left knee -Damn you, Jessica!- and one on my right thigh.] Could be more though.
-- # of things in my past that I regret: Heh. There are a few.

...And in other news, I'm in a foul mood. For no reason. Fucking PMS.

But always in my heart...

2004-03-06T20:01:06Z

Ah relief relief relief. Ah haha. It's been months. And it's fucking gorgeous outside.

Dani = very, very happy. And hyper. Hm. I want to go outside and walk and sing loudly. Who wants to come with me?

Party tonight! Yaaaaaay. Ooh ooh, and we might be seeing Havana Nights. Sex I tell you. Pure sex. And my nails are red!

Aaaaaaaaaaand, the dance last night was good. Yes yes. And my thighs hurt. Yay! I like it when my thighs hurt after dancing. Mwa haha. [Ah the sun! The sun is out! Eeeeeeeeeeeee] There were a lot of people there. Very surprising, being that NO ONE came to the second one last year.. and come to think of it, less people came to the first one. But yeah, it was good. And I danced with my Stepha lover! A lot! <3 Heeeeee. [Oh no. Cloud blocked the sun. *shakes fist* NO WAIT! It's back! Eeeeeeeeeee] And I did coat check with KELLY! [Yaaaay for Kelly!] And Erin's boyfriend was there. And Natalie's boyfriend was there. Erin + Joe = very cute. Natalie + Pete = very cute. ~~Made me realize how I have no one though. Ha. Ha ha. I'm selfish, aren't I?~~

My dad likes You're So Last Summer. *snicker* This amuses me. It's good though. If he started putting down my music, I'd throw a fit.

I know we ain't got much to say, before I let you get awaaaaaaaaaaaay, yeah. ...I said are you gonna be my girl?

...Today is fucking perfect.

And I know you don't believe that you mean this much to me, but I promise you that you do.

Ecstatic. Fucking. Ecstatic. <3

Sha la la la la la la la la la la dee dah

Keep her coming every night; so hard to keep her satisfied...

2004-03-05T01:17:05Z

Mwa haha. And here comes the stress once again. Bah. Fucking weather. *shakes fist at chilly darkness* So yes. I've come to the conclusion that the weather definitely does affect my mood 90% of the time. Being that this week was absolutely gorgeous [with the exception of today], I have been on some sort of temporary high. And today the weather was crap, hence bad mood.

School tomorrow = death.

I said I'd walk you home after our third round of pouring whiskey down the barrel of our guts
And I grabbed hold of your hand.
We're up and we're out and we're yelling through the streets
And I'm out of my fucking mind
And I know you're next to me but I must confess what's in my head.
Keep pumping now, legs to beat the ground, and our hearts to beat the band.
The sky's on fire again.
Run down this alleyway.
Lightning bolts again
We've become fireflies just flashing at the air.
Rattle garbage cans.
Prepare to be ravaged by our lust burning mad,
the fire that we've become.
And I know you're under me but I must confess what's in my head
To me you are the light from a light bulb that breaks sometimes
and the tender warmth inside is released into my life
and it smothers me in flames that lick and scorch my face.
As the smoke reaches the sky know I'm burning tonight.
Know I'm burning tonight.
Know I'm burning tonight.
Know I'm burning tonight.
Know I'll burn for you tonight.

::*::

you doin' that thing you do
breaking my heart into a million pieces like you always do
and you don't mean to be cruel
you never even knew about the heartache
I've been going through
well I try and try to forget you girl
but it's just so hard to do
every time you do that thing you do

I know all the games you play
and I'm gonna find a way to let you know that you'll be mine someday
cause we could be happy can't you see
if you'd only let me be the one to hold you
and keep you here with me
cause I try and try to forget you girl
but it's just so hard to do
every time you do that thing you do

I don't ask a lot girl
but I know one thing's for sure
it's the love I haven't got girl
and I just can't take it anymore

cause we could be happy can't you see
if you'd only let me be the one to hold you and keep you here with me
cause it hurts me so just to see you go
around with someone new
and if I know you, you're doing that thing
every day just doing that thing
I can't take you doing that thing you do

::*::

Hey, where did we go
Days when the rains came ?
Down in the hollow
Playing a new game,
Laughing and a-running, hey, hey,
Skipping and a-jumping
In the misty morning fog with
Our, our hearts a-thumping
And you, my brown-eyed girl,

You, my brown-eyed girl.
Whatever happened
To Tuesday and so slow
Going down to the old mine with a
Transistor radio.
Standing in the sunlight laughing
Hide behind a rainbow's wall,
Slipping and a-sliding
All along the waterfall
With you, my brown-eyed girl,
You, my brown-eyed girl.

Do you remember when we used to sing
Sha la la la la la la la la la la dee dah
Just like that
Sha la la la la la la la la la la dee dah
La dee dah.

So hard to find my way
Now that I'm all on my own.
I saw you just the other day,
My, how you have grown!
Cast my memory back there, Lord,
Sometime I'm overcome thinking about
Making love in the green grass
Behind the stadium
With you, my brown-eyed girl,
You, my brown-eyed girl.

Do you remember when we used to sing
Sha la la la la la la la la la la dee dah
Laying in the green grass
Sha la la la la la la la la la la dee dah
Dee dah dee dah dee dah dee dah dee dah dee
Sha la la la la la la la la la la la la
Dee dah la dee dah la dee dah la

::*::

A star up in the sky goes slowly passing by,
The lights below...they spell out your name.
You're comfort on my mind and you're with me all the time.
And lot's of feeling that I can't explain.

I won't spend another night alone.

Out of every girl I meet, no other can compete
I'd ditch em all for a night with you.
I know you don't believe you mean this much to me
But I promise you that you do.

If I had one wish this is what it would be...
I'd ask you to spend all your time with me,
That we'd be together forever.
We'd buy a small house in south central L.A.
Raise lots of kids then we'd both join a gang
Just as long as we're together.

The things you make me wanna do
I'd rob a quik-e-mart for you
I'd go to the pound and let all the cats go free
Just as long as you'd be with me.

::*::

I'm a lot like you, so please
Hello, I'm here, I'm waiting
I think I'd be good for you
And you'd be good for me.

...Heh. Fuck.

Had quite an in-depth conversation with Meghan today about *ahem* things. I got a lot of things off my chest that I've needed to say for a very long time. And she understood it all. ALL. And she didn't run and scream or give me weird looks and what not. [<3 Meghan, you're the fucking greatest.] So yes. I've worked out a lot of things thanks to her. I'm a bit more at ease now, but still not completely, because there's still a lot I don't know. One main thing, but we'll just have to wait that one out. *shrug*

ANYway... This global project is going to kill me.

Heel toe, heel toe, side to side again.. gonna get it right...

2004-03-04T03:17:08Z

You know, sometimes I think I'm awfully self centered. ...Or maybe just way too hopeful.

Your Icon is..... by d3athofs3asons
Your Name
Your Age
Your B-day
Your Icon Is....

Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0!

Your Icon is..... by d3athofs3asons
Your Name
Your Age
Your B-day
Your Icon Is....

Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0!

...Too true.

This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
And I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore

I'll fix these broken things
Repair your broken wings
And make sure everything's alright
My pressure on her hips
Sinking my fingertips
Into every inch of you
Cause I know that's what you want me to do

That. Song. Is. Pure. Sex.

kaufee_cake @ 2004-03-02T19:50:00

2004-03-03T01:12:04Z

I'm kind of numb. But in a good, mellow way. For the moment, I'm not stressing over anything, and I love everybody. I'd type up exactly why I love each of you, but being that I'm lazy, and barely anyone ever reads this thing, I'll only tell you if you comment. *nod nod nod*

Mwa haha:
Lily xXx Evans: Will the owner of the ruffled hair quidditch seeker and adorable werewolf please go post, you left your lights on

XD Jess is too funny. She wants me to post. I should probably do so before I get murdered. Hm.

BY THE WAY... Err, I know a lot of you think I'm insane with the role playing and what not, but I swear its absolutely fabulous, AND Caitlyn made a new group, so yes! Go join! Now, bitches! Or at least go and read about it in the userinfo, then decide. *pointed look at HP fandom geeks... you know who you are.*
_dissendium_ <-- GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO.

...I should do my lab. OR, maybe I'll go fry some brain cells and watch TV. Yes. I'll do the latter.

I. LOVE. YOU. ALL. <3

Singing this will be day that I die...

2004-03-02T00:00:24Z

Since I wasn't able to do this last night...

DSKGJNLEWITLKW$N>KTWJ(*GSDK
OJGNSLKJGLKSJ:OIE
KSNDGOLISERJT*()U@#$JO:I%JTSPD)G*(U:OKJ
NS:GOI$WUP%IOJ$LKRWNSG

THEY WON!!!! THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON!!!!11!!!!!!1!!!11!!!! ERFIOJW#OEITJHWUH8IJ#LEFJ

THEY WON EVERYTHING! EVERY GODDAMN AWARD THEY WERE NOMINATED FOR! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! AND BILLEH WAS THERE! AND DOM! AND SEAN! AND ELIJAH! AND IAN! AND LIV! AND PETER! AND OTHER PEOPLE!

I spent quite a bit of time sqeeing over this with Linda today. [And then spent the rest of the time squeeing alone, and bothering people with my insanity/obsession] Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Me = ecstatic. FUCKING. ECSTATIC.

I'll post more later. Must go make hobbit related icons or something.

PS: JOHHNY = HOT SEX. He looked fucking gorgeous, and none of you better disagree with me. ~~That means you, Christina.~~ *snicker*

[edit]Just thought I should squee some more:

ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE
Sean Penn
MYSTIC RIVER

ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
Tim Robbins
MYSTIC RIVER

ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE
Charlize Theron
MONSTER

ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
Renée Zellweger
COLD MOUNTAIN

ANIMATED FEATURE FILM
FINDING NEMO
Andrew Stanton

ART DIRECTION
THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING
Grant Major (Art Direction); Dan Hennah and Alan Lee (Set Decoration)

CINEMATOGRAPHY
MASTER AND COMMANDER: THE FAR SIDE OF THE WORLD
Russell Boyd

COSTUME DESIGN
THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING
Ngila Dickson and Richard Taylor

DIRECTING
THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING
Peter Jackson

DOCUMENTARY FEATURE
THE FOG OF WAR
Errol Morris and Michael Williams

DOCUMENTARY SHORT SUBJECT
CHERNOBYL HEART
Maryann DeLeo

FILM EDITING
THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING
Jamie Selkirk

FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
THE BARBARIAN INVASIONS
Canada
Directed by Denys Arcand

HONORARY AWARD
HONORARY AWARD
Blake Edwards

MAKEUP
THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING
Richard Taylor
Peter King

MUSIC (SCORE)
THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING
Howard Shore

MUSIC (SONG)
THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING
"Into the West"
Music and Lyric by Fran Walsh and Howard Shore and Annie Lennox

BEST PICTURE
THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING
Barrie M. Osborne, Peter Jackson and Fran Walsh

SHORT FILM (ANIMATED)
HARVIE KRUMPET
Adam Elliot

SHORT FILM (LIVE ACTION)
TWO SOLDIERS
Aaron Schneider and Andrew J. Sacks

SOUND EDITING
MASTER AND COMMANDER: THE FAR SIDE OF THE WORLD
Richard King

SOUND MIXING
THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING
Christopher Boyes, Michael Semanick, Michael Hedges and Hammond Peek

VISUAL EFFECTS
THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING
Jim Rygiel, Joe Letteri, Randall William Cook and Alex Funke

WRITING (ADAPTED SCREENPLAY)
THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING
Screenplay by Fran Walsh, Philippa Boyens & Peter Jackson

WRITING (ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY)
LOST IN TRANSLATION
Written by Sofia Coppola

11!!! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! <3

Your presence still lingers here, and it won't leave me alone...

2004-02-28T01:38:24Z

This week has been absolute bullshit. I can't think clearly at all, and really haven't been able to all week. Fucking.

Starting to read The Lovely Bones might not have been the best idea for me in this state. Don't get me wrong, it's excellent so far, I really like it, but it's disturbing, of course. I knew it would be, but I literally sat there, shaking, as I read the first chapter. It probably has a lot to do with my mood lately though. Usually it wouldn't disturb me so much.

I want to see the Passion of Christ. Shut up. I want to know what everyone's making such a big deal about. Supposedly it's extremely gory, and possibly Anti-Semetic, but I want to see it for myself. I'm always like that. If someone's making a big deal about something, I always need to see it for myself. Make my own opinions and such. Fuck what everyone else thinks. Besides, the movie shows it like it was. It's more or less the way it happened. It's the most real version of Jesus's cruxifixion, and I want to see it. All the other versions were so goddamn Hollywood, it pisses me off. It wasn't clean, nothing was censored. I have to see this movie.

Diego Luna = hot sex. He was on Jimmy Kimmel Live last night [Hush. I couldn't sleep.] and so he's a new obsession. Ah, I must see Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights as well. The way he touches her when they dance...

Maroon 5's This Love video = hot sex. I think they're a new obsession as well. Biff told me to get the album.. said it was good. I love that song. And as I said, the video is hot sex so yes. Yum.

...I'm going to go disturb myself and mess up my mind even further, and read a few more chapters of The Lovely Bones. It's very good, really. Expect a rambling about molestation and rape in the near future.

You'd think that people would've had enough of silly love songs...

2004-02-25T01:58:34Z

Happy Mardi Gras! *flashes everyone ...kidding. So, I dressed up today. XD 'Twas fun. [I wore a black tank with with sequence around the trim and a bright blue sweater thing over it, with my black and white checked short skirt, stretchies, striped socks, and white sneakers. Plus the extra eyeliner, mascara, and red lipstick, and the beads and bangles. Heeeee.] Needless to say, I recieved mixed opinions on it. A lot of people said I looked cute, but I defintely got looks while walking down the halls from others. XD I didn't expect everyone to like it anyway. But yes. It was fun. Oh, and my math teacher smiled at me and said "mad woman" as I left class today [*snicker* Little does she know.], and Ms. Gillian-Evans said "nice!" as she walked past me. XD Kyla made sure to laugh at me for a bit over that.

Tomorrow's Ash Wednesday. No classes. Yaaaaay. But I have to sing. =/ The songs are crap. CRAP. They're not even songs. They're the choruses from various songs. *shakes her head* Meh. Plus I'm pissed 'cause I wanted to go to the mall with Kantro but I can't. MEH x2.

...I need to watch Moulin Rouge to lift my spirits.

We've become fireflies just flashing at the air...

2004-02-24T03:29:52Z

So over the whole break, I saw a total of two people from school, on the last day of vacation. That. Is. Sad. [Though I <3 the people I was with 'cause they're just great like that and I am/was all happy 'cause I never go out. Heh heh. Me=loser.] But anyway, so we got the chem done, [which took us from like, 1:30 to 4:15... but hey, there were 90 questions, 15 of which were short answer *mutter curse mutter*] and then Dyana had to leave, so Dawn and I watched Pirates for the rest of the time I was there. XD Heeeeeeeee. <3 I LOVE MY FRIENDS.

ANYway... HAPPY BELATED 16th BIRTHDAY ERIN!!! AND TOMORROW IS MARDI GRAS. Not like it really matters though, because I'm not doing anything anyway. BUT! We get to dress down [or dress up, whichever you prefer] in bright, mismatching colors and whatnot in the Mardi Gras spirit. I don't know if anyone is actually going to do it, but Erin is going all out avec moi so HA! I'm excited. Oh yes, oh yes. Shut up.

I like saying avec moi. Poser. I can't speak French at all. I wish I knew how to speak French. French is dead sexy. Dead. Sexy. Meh, but no, my school doesn't offer French. Only Spanish and Italian, and being that Spanish was the more practical choice, of course I went with Spanish. Heh. I'm not good at learning new languages. Bother.

AVEC MOI!

Our legs to beat the ground, and our hearts to beat the band...

2004-02-21T04:53:42Z

BAH. Library was closed when I got there. Daaaaamn it. *sigh* Ah well. Nothing I can do about it now.

*giggles and blushes* Caitlyn said pretty things 'bout me. *pets* [Because I consider being called an occassional "13-year-old cheerleader on drugs" pretty. Seriously. I do.] I'll probably end up putting that meme up here sooner or later. Once I stop being so lazy. Yep.

PEOPLE THINK JESSICA'S A CRACKHEAD!!11!1! OMGLOLOLzZz!!!11!
Observe:
JESS: I don't act high.
PERSON: yes u do
JESS: how?
PERSON: yo eyes be red
JESS: I sleep during 6th hour that's why.
PERSON: liar
JESS: I am not lying.
JESS: Okay, even if i look it, I don't act it.
PERSON: yes u do
PERSON: slurred words
JESS: Are you kidding me?
JESS: You are making this up.
PERSON: no
...*laughs insanely* Too good, too good. So what has it been now, Jess? You've been called a whore, suicidal, and a crackhead, right? I say go for alcoholic. Oh wait. That's been done too. Damn. We'll think of something.

Yet another meme taken 24823849 times. Yay.

Get to know the REAL you by crash_and_burn
Your Name
You Are A:	Country lover
Your Favorite Band/Song	Le Tigre - Deceptacon
You Like To Read:	Teeny-Bopper magazines
You Firmly Believe In:	Orange juice
Everyone Thinks You Are:	A complete loser
You Were Conceived:	On the 30-yard line
You Will Marry:	The high-school slut

Created with quill18's MemeGen 2.0!

*blinks repeatedly* That's. Just. Wrong.

Get to know the REAL you by crash_and_burn
Your Name
You Are A:	Country lover
Your Favorite Band/Song	Linkin Park - My December
You Like To Read:	Classic literature
You Firmly Believe In:	Nose-picking
Everyone Thinks You Are:	A complete loser
You Were Conceived:	In a bed, duh
You Will Marry:	A respectable person

Created with quill18's MemeGen 2.0!

...Nose picking. Riiiiiiiiiight.

Get to know the REAL you by crash_and_burn
Your Name
You Are A:	Punk
Your Favorite Band/Song	Evanescence - My Immortal
You Like To Read:	Non-fiction novels
You Firmly Believe In:	Sex at first sight
Everyone Thinks You Are:	A complete loser
You Were Conceived:	In a record shop
You Will Marry:	No-one

Created with quill18's MemeGen 2.0!

...*jumps on random person walking by* DO ME NOW!

Get to know the REAL you by crash_and_burn
Your Name
You Are A:	Country lover
Your Favorite Band/Song	Aerosmith - Walk This Way
You Like To Read:	Fiction novels
You Firmly Believe In:	Nudity
Everyone Thinks You Are:	A sleazy prostitute
You Were Conceived:	On the 30-yard line
You Will Marry:	A homeless man/woman

Created with quill18's MemeGen 2.0!

...You know, the homeless guy on Central has been lookin' mighty fine lately...

Get to know the REAL you by crash_and_burn
Your Name
You Are A:	Geek
Your Favorite Band/Song	Aerosmith - Walk This Way
You Like To Read:	Classic literature
You Firmly Believe In:	Abstinence
Everyone Thinks You Are:	An easy fuck
You Were Conceived:	By immaculate conception
You Will Marry:	The high-school slut

Created with quill18's MemeGen 2.0!

*snickers insanely*

Get to know the REAL you by crash_and_burn
Your Name
You Are A:	Nerd
Your Favorite Band/Song	Saves The Day - All-Star Me
You Like To Read:	Horror books
You Firmly Believe In:	Love at first sight
Everyone Thinks You Are:	An easy fuck
You Were Conceived:	In a bed, duh
You Will Marry:	Britney Spears

Created with quill18's MemeGen 2.0!

Oh yes. Me = easy fuck. ...Britney Spears? No. Just... no.

Get to know the REAL you by crash_and_burn
Your Name
You Are A:	Hopeless Romantic
Your Favorite Band/Song	Sneaker Pimps - Low Five
You Like To Read:	Fiction novels
You Firmly Believe In:	Orange juice
Everyone Thinks You Are:	You don't have any friends
You Were Conceived:	Next to a fireplace
You Will Marry:	Your current boy/girlfriend

Created with quill18's MemeGen 2.0!

Ah, haha. The "current boy/girlfriend" thing would be nice IF I HAD ONE. *ahem* I'm not bitter.

Get to know the REAL you by crash_and_burn
Your Name
You Are A:	Thug
Your Favorite Band/Song	Coldplay - Yellow
You Like To Read:	Biographies/Autobiographies
You Firmly Believe In:	God
Everyone Thinks You Are:	A sleazy prostitute
You Were Conceived:	In your dad's pinto
You Will Marry:	A punk-rawker

Created with quill18's MemeGen 2.0!

OMGLOL!!!1! A pUnK rAwKeR?! OMG, LyKe, nOo wAYyY! <3

Get to know the REAL you by crash_and_burn
Your Name
You Are A:	Sex-slave
Your Favorite Band/Song	Aerosmith - Walk This Way
You Like To Read:	Cheap porn
You Firmly Believe In:	Abstinence
Everyone Thinks You Are:	You don't have any friends
You Were Conceived:	On accident
You Will Marry:	A homeless man/woman

Created with quill18's MemeGen 2.0!

Sex slave? Kinky.

Get to know the REAL you by crash_and_burn
Your Name
You Are A:	Country lover
Your Favorite Band/Song	Coldplay - Yellow
You Like To Read:	Everything
You Firmly Believe In:	God
Everyone Thinks You Are:	OMG WAY HOTT LOLZ
You Were Conceived:	52nd Street, New York City
You Will Marry:	An Italian plumber

Created with quill18's MemeGen 2.0!

Okay. I should really stop taking this now.

BAH. My boob hurts. Go away, minions. No, comment first, because I'm a comment whore. Then go away. I love you all.

And I know you're under me, but I must confess what's in my head...

2004-02-20T21:32:07Z

So basically today was yet another waste of a day [so far]. It's a bit past 4 now, and the only productive thing I've done today was alphabetizing our videos. Mwa hahaha. Now it's so simple to find the video someone'd want to watch.. PLUS I wrote them all down, so we know exactly what we have... errr *cough* No, I'm not a loser. No I'm not a loser. No, I'm not a loser.

I must go to the library today. I have a book that was due back the day before my birthday, so I figure I should return it. Besides, I want to take out The Lovely Bones. Yes.

FIRSTS

First car: Well being that I can't drive yet, I don't have a car, but once I can I'm getting Mother's Honda Civic. Yes.

First real date: *snort*

First real kiss: ...*snorts again*

First real break-up: So this would be the flip side, hm?

First screen name: I think it was SwtLilDanielle23. NO! It was Jeter10238. Ah ha. Yay for being so unoriginal that I had to put 5 numbers at the end of the screen name.

First self purchased album: Hrm. I can't say for sure, but it was probably one of the NSYNC cds.

First funeral: Great grandmother's. Only one I've ever been to really. But I didn't even get to go to the cemetary. Father took us [brother and I] home.

First pets: Rainbow the Japanese Fighting Fish. Seriously.

First piercing/tattoo: Ears.

First credit card: *snicker* I had a Limited Too credit card in 6th grade. Stupid, really, giving a 12-year-old that much power. I wasn't stupid though, and I only used it once to by a bag I think. Then I cut it up. *smirk* I felt so grown up.

First enemy: None. Though some people might consider me to be their enemy. *shrug* I wouldn't know.

First big trip: Philippines when I was four.

First musician you remember hearing in your house: Hm, I want to say The Beatles, but it's probably not true. I honestly couldn't say the first, being that I grew up listening to so many various artists.

LASTS

Last car ride: Yesterday. It was not fun. Father got all worked up. Fucking road rage. Cocky bastard thought he was intimidating. *groans*

Last kiss: That would be non-existant, thank you.

Last good cry: Not too long ago.

Last library book checked out: *laugh* Falling Angels by Tracy Chevalier. Yes. Twas due in October.

Last movie seen: Shrek.

Last beverage drank: Diet coke.

Last food consumed: Eggs.

Last crush: Wouldn't you like to know.

Last phone call: Telemarketer. Heh. Isn't that illegal now? Fucker.

Last time showered: This morning.

Last shoes worn: BOOTS.

Last cd played: The one I burned. It owns my soul.

Last item bought: I think it was soda. No! A lotto card! *snicker*

Last annoyance: I couldn't narrow it down to one thing if I tried.

Last disappointment: *points to last question*

Last time having sex: ... *snort/laugh*

Last time wanting to die: *shrug*

Last time scolded: That would be yesterday. It's a daily routine in my house.

Last shirt worn: long sleeve black shirt with a maroon-ish t-shirt over it. Damn the cold.

Last website visited: Stepha lover's journal.

By the way, Firefly by Saves the Day owns all of your souls. Yes.

Hope this is the last time, 'cause I never say no to you...

2004-02-19T02:25:46Z

I did absolutely nothing today. Yet again. [Well, I watched Shrek and ended up with one movie icon. *points above* I want to make more but I'm far too lazy at the moment.] Vacations are such a waste for me. I honestly get nothing done. Oh, but I did finish one book. Meh. I want to finish another before I go back. Ooh. Fulfilling.

I'm watching home movies with Mom. *smiles* They're from when I was probably around 5 or 6 years old. It's nice. I won't go into detail, for I think I scared Caitlyn when I told her. *snicker*

Rambling about childhood begins here. You don't have to read it if you don't want to. Just skip this paragraph then. Right-o.
You know, I really miss being that young. I like where I am now, [for the most part] because I have more freedom and more of a mind of my own, but with freedom comes so much responsibility. I had to grow up rather quickly due to circumstances out of my control. I am very pleased with my childhood though. Sure, we didn't [and still don't] have our own house and Mother makes sure to bring it up every now and again, but honestly, it would have made things so different. With the things that are going on now, it wouldn't have been to our advantage to own property. Besides, I wouldn't trade my childhood for anything. I never regret anything from back then, nor get angry with my mother for not providing us with what she believes is essential to a family. See, she had a house and six brothers and sisters whom she took care of for the most part, being that she was the oldest. Needless to say, she has quite a few expectations from me being that I am the oldest and only have one brother. Still, her views on what she thinks is most important varies from mine. The things she regrets most is never having a house. She's always complaining about not having something, some place of her own, and she feels like she's failed us in some sense. I, on the other hand, would rather it this way. I don't want to grow up with everything handed to me. I need the push, the motivation to strive for something better. I know what it's like to need money, to struggle, oh don't get me wrong though. We're most defintely not in poverty, being that Mother makes more than enough money each year, and you'd think we'd be well off. Truth is, though, we have so many things to pay for that we don't really get to spend as we wish. But still, there are no regrets. I'm content with this. Mother is not, though, and she tries to convince me this isn't right, that we should have a home, a place that will always be ours. What would we be, though? What would I be? I figure, that if we did have a house, she'd be working [even moreso than she does now, which would be quite a feat being that she works so goddamn much. Poor Mother. She never stops to think of herself. You know, sometimes I wish she would. It makes me guilty to see her work so much.], Father'd be... God knows where he'd be. *shakes her head* And David [my brother] and I would have had different upbringings. Mother was always around when we needed her. Always. She's never let me down in that sense. I love her more than I can say, really, and I couldn't ever bring myself to make judgements on the way she's handled her life. There is no one I admire more than my mother. I've told her many, many times how I never have even considered changing what my childhood was like, but somehow she always manages to reconvince herself that we're not happy.

So I sit here with her, watching these videos and I see how happy I was. I really was very, very happy. I remember it. I was always protected, safe. Not once did I really get disappointed with the way things were. Everything happens for a reason, and life is too short to have regrets.

Gangsta!Jess.

Jessica's online but I'm calling her in a few minutes anyway. Caitlyn signed off. Tove isn't on. Hmph. I'll come back later then. Possibly.

PS: ...Adam is a god. =)

Dreams swiftly come and go, I'm dreaming of her...

2004-02-18T19:58:15Z

Heh. Went to the doctor this morning [for my back]. Turns out the scoliosis got worse again. Joy. Er, I started out with 30° curves, managed to bring them down to 15, and now they're back up to 26. Heh. *shrug* I figured as much though.

Anyway, I had to wake up at goddamn 5:00 to get to the doctor at 7:15. *snort* Whoever my mother talked to when she called the office was obviously either an idiot, or figured she'd play some sort of sick joke by telling us to be there at 7:15. The goddamn building just opened when we got there. The actual office didn't open 'till 8. Heh. Fun. So mother and I waited, I fell asleep for a half an hour or so, and dreamed about something or another [I don't remember what exactly, but it included some people I know]. So then yeah, doctor saw me blah blah blah had to get an x-ray blah blah blah told me I probably wasn't growing anymore blah blah blah "continue to wear it when you sleep" blah blah blah. Wonderful. "You'll probably only have to wear it till you're 14" my ass. Meh.

*pout* No one good is online.

This is side one, flip me over...

2004-02-18T02:08:46Z

Saw Big Fish with Satan!Aunt today. Cute movie. Ewan helped. A lot. Yes. Though, Satan!Aunt managed to piss me off every 0.2 seconds, causing me to flip her off behind her back just as often. *sigh* Does she always have to be so aggravating? I hate that I'm so bitter towards her but I really can't help it. Circumstances.

New layout. Blah. Background is supposed to look like silk. *shrug* I tried. Didn't do too well, but I tried. And now I have to do Jessica's. *smirk* I wish I could find a picture of rose petals. Meh.

Erin reccommended a whole list of songs, and they pretty much own my soul. [Ex: Dumb Pop Song, Fred Astaire, You're So Last Summer, In This Diary, I Won't Spend Another Night Alone, etc.] So thanks, Erin! [<3] 'Preciate it.

I Won't Spend Another Night Alone
A star up in the sky goes slowly passing by,
The lights below...they spell out your name.
You're comfort on my mind and you're with me all the time.
And lot's of feeling that I can't explain.

I won't spend another night alone.

Out of every girl I meet, no other can compete
I'd ditch em all for a night with you.
I know you don't believe you mean this much to me
But I promise you that you do.

If I had one wish this is what it would be...
I'd ask you to spend all your time with me,
That we'd be together forever.
We'd buy a small house in south central L.A.
Raise lots of kids then we'd both join a gang
Just as long as we're together.

The things you make me wanna do
I'd rob a quik-e-mart for you
I'd go to the pound and let all the cats go free
Just as long as you'd be with me.

I won't spend another night alone.

Things're weird lately. I'm not sure what to make of anything anymore. There's so much happening, and I feel like I'm just there, being left behind. Everything's changing, shifting, but I'm just here, standing still, and I can't move. I hate this. I feel so helpless. I need to sort things out. There's so much I ~~want~~ need to say, but ~~won't~~ can't. Yeah.

Come what may, I will love you 'till my dying day...

2004-02-16T23:07:19Z

Circumstances are funny. Today was more or less a waste of a day being that I did absolutely nothing other than sit around talking to people and watching movies, but it was still good. And yeah, things are good [for the most part]. And I'm happy. *giggles* Fuck you. I have the right to be every once in a while. Errr, I still want to make icons. Kind of. Yes, yes I do. Jessica got sunburned during cheerleading practice today. Oh, the poor dear in her oh so warm weather. Pity the people in Florida where the sun shines so brightly. *snort*

I drew on my face [with eyeliner]. I like it.

You know, it's really funny how people change. And it's funny how things change, and things you never realized before become apparent. AND it's funny how Jessica's weird [and cut her tongue with a knife]. And it's funny how Jessica's a skank. *serene smile* Ask if you really want to know. Keywords: Jessica, boy, girl, water bed XD

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return.

The one I love, over and over again... dragging me under...

2004-02-16T19:22:12Z

So I'm watching Moulin Rouge on my computer. When I found out that I could play DVDs on here, I got so excited 'cause I thought "hey! Now I can make screencaps and movie icons and such!" [Shut up. These are the things I think about.] BUT NO. The goddamn computer won't let me do it. I try to take the screencap [with the print screen and what not] but it doesn't freeze the image like it should. Goddamn bastard. So basically, I can't do what I wanted and I'm frustrated. MEH.

In other news, I'm bored. Plus, I really feel like making icons. Meh again.

\ <-- LINE. *smirks at Caitlyn* He will prevail.

Do you remember when we used to sing?...

2004-02-14T22:27:27Z

*blinks repeatedly* Well I'm an annoying fuck, aren't I? Heh. This is sad. Goddamn it. I feel like an annoying fuck, and I should probably stop typing now. Then again, I should probably go somewhere where no one would have to be annoyed by me. Yes. I think I'll go do that.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone.

-annoyingfuck!saint!Dani

You're my brown eyed girl...

2004-02-14T19:50:18Z

If there were no words
No way to speak
I would still hear you
If there were no tears
No way to feel inside
I'd still feel for you

And even if the sun refused to shine
Even if romance ran out of rhyme
You would still have my heart until the end of time
You're all I need, my love, my Valentine

All of my life
I have been waiting for
All you give to me
You've opened my eyes
And shown me how to love unselfishly

I've dreamed of this a thousand times before
But in my dreams I couldn't love you more
I will give you my heart
Until the end of time
You're all I need, my love, my Valentine

'Cause all I need is you, my Valentine
You're all I need, my love, my Valentine

<3

Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up...

2004-02-14T03:50:54Z

Went to the movies with Father and saw 50 First Dates [that Adam Sandler movie. *loves Adam Sandler*] So yeah. The premise didn't make much sense, but Adam was good [as was Drew, whom I love as well], and Sean Astin was in it! Young looking Sean Astin! Buff, young looking Sean Astin! Buff, young looking Sean Astin with a lisp! It was wonderful.

I have a new computer. *blinks* And it can play DVDs. Hopefully, I'll be able to finally burn a goddamn CD with this one. *growls at stupid, old computer and its inability to do, well, anything*

I want to write something.

SDKFLOSIJSN GREEN DAY DID A FUCKING AMAZING COVER OF BROWN EYED GIRL. *drools on keyboard* Cover. Cover cover cover cover cover. Why didn't I discover this earlier, goddamn it? People, if you know of any good covers [done by anyone, really] please, don't hestiate to tell me. Covers fucking own.

Valentine's Day in a bit over an hour. Heh.

With the taste of a poison paradise...

2004-02-08T23:24:31Z

Tove is dead sexy. We all know this, yes?

The sweet 16 wasn't all that bad. But seriously, I couldn't get over the girl's dad. Shut up. Stop judging me. He's insanely funny, for one thing. [Example: When he was making the toast for his daughter, he was saying about how much she meant to the family and what not, and he goes, "She's brought so much joy to our lives. She's done so much for me, her brother, and my wife, Hitler." XD] He doesn't even look like a father figure. [You know how fathers tend to have that, fatherly look to them? Yeah, well, he didn't. He looked pretty young, actually.] Plus, he reminded me of Johnny. Oh Lord, how he reminded of Johnny. I think that's what made him most attractive. [He didn't look like him, so much as he walked and moved like Captain Jack Sparrow. What with the constant drunkness, and a bit of swaying and whatnot.] And he sang! And he played the guitar! And and and, yeah. Lovely. Shut up.

I got Steph's icon up. Fina-fucking-lly. Sorry it took so long, Stepha, lover.

...I say you look so fine that I really wanna make you mine. [I've liked that song for so long now, but I never knew who sang it until, like, last week. People would be like "Jet is great." And I'd say, "...yeah, I don't know who that is." *bangs head on things*]

[edit] Jess is cute when she's jealous. *giggle*[/edit]

[edit #2] ...Jess thought for a moment that I was hitting on her. (Understandable.) XD I'm not, just so you all know. [/edit #2]

All her black satin sheets, suedes dark green...

2004-02-07T20:43:36Z

-I'm not in a good mood. No. Not at all. Be prepared for bitchyness and sarcasm.
-Snow day number 3 yesterday. If they make us go to school on Friday to make up for it, I'm going to shoot someone... or, you know, protest.
-I'm going to a party tonight. Yet another Sweet 16 for someone I don't know. Yay. Supposedly, I'm not even sitting with mother. So I'll be sitting at a table with a bunch of teenagers I don't know. Yay x2. Guess who's going to be playing anti-social tonight.
-I want to read The Lovely Bones. Seriously.
-Duuuude.
-I believe I'm offically supporting Dawn's brother's potential career as a poet.
-No one is online, goddamn it. Well, no one I care to talk to anyway. Bah. Caitlyn or Tove need to come online. Right now.
-sucker4christ should die.
-O to the M to the G. Today is Jessica's mother's birthday. She. Owns. You. All.
-...Who dared to IM me with my bitchy away message up? Oh, wait. Twas Dyana trying to cheer me up. 'S all right, then.
-Thanks to those of you who filled out my survey. I love you all, bitches.
-I have a new notebook. It makes very little sense. I think I've decided it'll be strictly fiction from random places, and then lyrics and stuff drawn by me.
-I love my notebook.
-Jessica is offically my Valentine.

I want someone wanting me.. So I can feel how it feels to be... somebody's somebody...

2004-01-26T05:09:50Z

1. I ____ Dani.
2. Dani is ____.
3. If I were alone in a room with Dani, I would _______.
4. I think Dani should _____.
5. Dani needs ______.
6. I want to _______ Dani.
7. If I used one word to describe Dani, it'd be ______.
8. I know that Dani likes ______.
9. When I think of Dani, I think of _______.
10. Someday, I think Dani will ________.
11. My favorite memory of Dani is _________.
12. Dani's best quality is ________.
13. Dani's worst quality is _______.

Comment and fill it out, minions.

...*puppy eyes* Please?

'Cause she's so high, high above me.. She's so lovely...

2004-01-24T02:36:27Z

Stolen from Erin fallennxstarr ...

['cause it was just too fun to not do three times]

My Celebrity Family by popstarprincess
Your Name
Mom	Martha Stewart
Dad	Toby Keith
Brother	Jude Law
Sister	Catherine Zeta-Jones
Boyfriend	Ryan Phillippe

Created with quill18's MemeGen 2.0!

Ryan makes it work.

My Celebrity Family by popstarprincess
Your Name
Mom	Martha Stewart
Dad	Tom Cruise
Brother	Kevin Richardson
Sister	Jessica Alba
Boyfriend	Elijah Wood

Created with quill18's MemeGen 2.0!

No. Just... no.

My Celebrity Family by popstarprincess
Your Name
Mom	Meg Ryan
Dad	Dennis Quaid
Brother	50 Cent
Sister	Paris Hilton
Boyfriend	Aaron Carter

Created with quill18's MemeGen 2.0!

... *kills self*